February 10, 2008
The Grammies Get the Big WTF
Maybe I’m turning into Andy Rooney in my old age, but this b.s. that passes for popular music is absolutely insipid.
Kanye howling about his mama. Fergie dripping ooze all over everything. Cirque de Soleil flopping around like fish on LSD to the music of the Beatles. Carrie Underwood sleepwalking through some song that consists of nothing but the chorus repeated ad infinitum. And then there’s the reanimated corpse of Frank Sinatra.
At least Amy Winehouse had the good sense to be off somewhere sneaking hits off a crack pipe in the alley behind a rehab facility in London instead of having to sit through this punishment.
Let’s look at some of the actual nominees.
Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocals: Bon Jovi, Daughtry, Maroon 5, Plain White T’s, and Ufuckin2.
When you stick the screwdrivers in my ears, just make sure you get all the way to my brain so I don’t even have to think about this music, let alone hear it.
Redeeming features of the Grammies: Morris Day & the Time, Tina Turner.
I’m elated that Tina got to outlive Ike so she could spit on his woman-beating grave. Plus, the woman is nearly 70 years old and is up there being sexy, dancing, and keeping up with Beyonce. Awesome.
But I can’t watch this anymore. One whiff of Bono, Daughtry, or Nickelback and I throw up in my mouth. Time to flip over to some NBA and leave these jackasses to pat each other on the back as they celebrate their dying industry.
You watched the Grammies? You got exactly what you deserve.